The Way of The Sword: Interior Stages of The Camino

You don’t go to a football game to sit down and read a book! When you go to a football game, you GO to a football game. When you go to a funeral, you GO to a funeral. When you go out for dinner with friends, you GO out for dinner with friends. All of the above require either a specific attitude, approach and/or preparation. The Camino is no exception.

Many people call themselves pilgrims because they carry a shell on their backpacks, have a credential and sleep in albergues. Yet some experience the Camino in a similar way that a person would experience a football game if they went there to read a book. Yes, they can say they were in the game till the end, but can they really say they experienced what the game had to offer?

The following three qualities are the key to experiencing what the Camino has to offer: Openness, Humility, and Freedom. They can be acquired throughout the pilgrimage as the Camino works inside you. A pilgrim must also remember that for these qualities to emerge, one requires times of silence and solitude in the pilgrimage. First we seek the external silence by removing the physical noise, conversations, and distractions. Then we can seek the internal silence, which is where the divine guide is heard.

Practical Matters Before Reading on the Interior Stages

This blog post is on the interior path of the Camino which includes 10 distinct stages. It is NOT a summary of all the previous posts! It sees the forest instead of just the trees. It offers a different experience that is not equivalent to having read all the previous posts so far. It has no photographs, although each stage will be linked to the relevant blog posts where you can see the pictures and read more about what happened. I will also specify in which stage I attained each of the three pilgrim qualities. Finally, taking the Camino as a microcosm of life I will also include my personal evolution through the Six Stages of Manhood that Robert Hicks wrote about.

I have been able to write this post thanks to my mentor, Jose Luis, who has helped me lay out the 10 Interior Stages of the Camino. Jose Luis has known the Camino for over 30 years: first as a pilgrim, then by building and reopening traditional albergues and now as the main hospitalero in Tosantos, one of the most spiritually powerful stops for the pilgrim.

This post is long and dense. I would like to offer the recommendation for you to read it during a time of leisure and on printed paper if possible (especially for those who read my posts on their phone).

Each of the 10 Interior Stages have the following format:

• General Description

• Link to relevant blog posts

• My Personal Experience

• Pilgrim Quality acquired (if applicable)

  • Three qualities: Openness, Freedom and Humility

• Stage of Manhood I transitioned to (if applicable)

  • Six stages: Boyhood, Lover, Warrior, Wounded Warrior, Mature Man, Fulfilled Man

It’s been said that the Camino to Santiago de Compostela is the Way of the Sword. It’s where you fight your demons and find your strength.

Enjoy 🙂

1st Stage: Nulls

We are filled with excitement and expectation for the start of our journey. It is the first step into the unknown so the pilgrim is observant of everything. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually the pilgrim hasn’t arrived yet.

Posts: Almost Paradise: The Unexpected Retreat and Je suis un Pelerin

My Experience:

I am in a peaceful and holy place being dipped naked in the waters of a town in the Pyrenean mountains: Lourdes, France. I’m head to toe immersed and filled with the romantic idea of the pilgrimage. I feel ready and anxious to go. Starting the walk, even though I struggle at the beginning, the wonder of where the day might take me drives my steps. The scenery is an undulating farmland. In these days I stayed with the old monks at Betharram, at the home of a french couple, and with Padre Pierre of Arudy. I would always receive what I needed at the right moment. There were times I was without food or drink and it would show up. At other times I would be unable to walk further and a car would show up to take me that last kilometer.

Pilgrim Quality: Openness

• What is Openness in the Camino? Openness to experience is when we have aesthetic sensitivity, attentiveness to inner feelings, a preference for variety, and intellectual curiosity. With Openness in the Camino we can absorb more from what we find, we are able to see what we don’t necessarily want to see, and start to receive what the Camino can offer.

• What event helped me attain Openness? These days I did not meet any other pilgrims on the way or in the alberuges. Due to the language barrier I was unable to relate to the few locals I saw. There were only a few towns, and with no attractions or distractions. Being in this situation I was immersed in silence and solitude from the beginning which granted me the quality of Openness.

Stage of Manhood: Boyhood

In this stage life is a playground to be experienced. Curiosity and creativity drives our actions. It’s the time to figure out how the world works, which involves a lot of simple mistakes and stumbling around. Like a child, we are taken care of by a Father, and help shows up when needed.

2nd Stage: Physical

The pilgrim arrives at one of the hardest realities of the pilgrimage: Pain. The difficulty and pain of the Camino consume one’s mind. It is hard to think of anything other than this pain which shatters all the romantic ideas one had of the pilgrimage. It is when one questions whether it is even possible to get to the end.

Posts: Je suis un Pelerin and Death and A New Beginning

My Experience:

I walked less than 15km every day on the 1st Interior Stage. Realizing that if I kept walking at that pace it would take me over two months to finish I start to push my body into the 20’s and close to 30 kilometers. I am continually getting lost, the backpack is heavy and wearing my body down, my feet are swollen, the heat is unbearable, there are no towns where I can rest or eat on the way. All these days without finding any pilgrims to break the silence starts getting to me. The only friends I had made so far were the cows, the spiders, the donkeys, the bees, the horses, the sheep. Not the dogs though, they were mean. On the 7th day, because I misunderstood a sign, I walked almost 30km. It was the most physically challenging path so far, with uneven ups and downs designed to crumble your feet, with no trees to offer shadow and relief from the heat, uncomfortably having to cross fields of cows and horses in the middle of the path, and being aggressively chased by dogs. It was the most isolated of days with only one town between the start and end of the walk, which unfortunately didn’t have any restaurants or offer any services. I ran out of food and water without a soul in sight. It was all driving me mad. On the last few kilometers my feet were so broken and without structure that every step felt spongy, hot and excruciating. I thought I was close to the town but at every turn I would only see farmland. The sun sets and out of desperation and anguish I break down and cry for the first time in the Camino.

3rd Stage: Joyful

You arrive at the modern Camino phenomenon and everything is turned upside down. It is a new way with new rules. Some of which are traps that draw the pilgrim away from the pilgrimage. The physical pain is lessened and you start to enjoy the walk. You begin to make friends and form close groups.

Post: Spring is in the air: First Week on the French Way

My Experience:

I reach St. Jean Pied de Port which is the traditional starting point for most pilgrims. It felt like being transported to the XII century, during the peak pilgrimage years. It was like starting a new Camino. All of a sudden I see hundreds of pilgrims. Many arriving via train with their brand new Camino gear and clothing. Being so weary when most were so fresh made me feel out of place.

The next day I would cross the French Pyrenees through the snowy mountains into the Navarra region of Spain. The morning comes:

THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! “TIME TO WAKE UP!”

All lights go on at exactly 6am. The Dutch are making their way through the halls knocking on the wall and alerting the pilgrims. You can hear some of the groans coming from the bunk beds. Is this boot camp? What Camino? I had just finished walking from Lourdes to St Jean Pied de Port in almost absolute solitude, with my own clock and routine. This is a different kind of Camino. I wasn’t able to process this change properly. Unconsciously, I got absorbed into the “New Camino” culture. I would understand it to be the way it was supposed to be so I just adapted to what those around me were doing.

This time was fun and exciting. There were people from all over the world, and we formed strong bonds in short periods of time by what we shared and went through together. Every day, every walk, every pilgrim menu, every evening at an albergue would further build this spirit of camaraderie. I would plan with those I grew close to so that we arrived at the same town to stay together.

4th Stage: Doubts

The pilgrim has learned more about the Camino and understands the day to day. He has started to integrate himself to the Camino but not given himself fully. It is bittersweet as those people you bonded with begin to disappear, sometimes abruptly. You start doubting the Camino you are walking and notice that something is not quite right. Since it is not a pleasant stage the pilgrim may try to resist the pull of the Camino. This is contrary to the quality of Openness, and causes the pilgrim to close in on himself.

Post: A Time of Dryness

My Experience:

I’ve just entered the dirt paths and vineyards of La Rioja region. A torrent of farewells from those I grew close to starts and would continue for another few days. Many of those were from people who were only walking for one week and then going back home. I almost can’t believe how all that can happen so suddenly. In Logroño, I stay in a monastery that is ordinarily not for pilgrims due to a private arrangement. I go there with enthusiasm for what I would learn but instead I am met with spiritual dryness from the monks. There was such a lack of life there, to the point that I started doubting my faith. Aren’t they supposed to be people who have given themselves completely to God? Where was God?

These days I was unhappy with how the Camino was changing. I resisted, closed in on myself and focused on my albergue experience. On one of the days I went against one of the Camino rules and took the bed of a pilgrim who needed it more than I did. I will always remember the expression of despair on her weary face as she was being told there was no availability and had to walk further or take a taxi. Something was not right in this Camino.

5th Stage: Awakening and Euphoria

The more you try to resist the pull of the Camino the harder it gets until it whacks you on the head and you wake up. You finally let go and attain the Quality of Freedom. You are now able to go deeper into the Camino. You experience peace and a transcendent spirituality. You believe the conflict has been resolved.

Posts: Providence: God’s Wallet and Into The Mystical Path

My Experience:

This is the midpoint of the Interior Stages and coincides with being halfway through my 40 days of pilgrimage. I enter the region of Castilla y Leon. In Tosantos a multitude of conditions coincide: my misguided motivation to get there, Jay’s lost wallet, Jose Luis talking on the Camino Spirit, and reading the petition of the man who walks the Camino for his daughter’s Leukemia. Together they would crack me open overnight. The Camino is serious, and Tosantos was a voice that awakened the pilgrim in me.

The next morning in Tosantos I was drawn to the hermitage encrusted on the hill. I went on top of it and there I found my stone. It was the stone that I was to take, according to the pilgrim tradition, to the mythical Cruz de Ferro.

After Tosantos the difference in my experience of the Camino was so large that it became almost unrecognizable. I started walking with trust in God’s care for me. I stopped worrying about where I would sleep the next day. My steps were no longer rushed and I walked with the peace that the Quality of Freedom granted me. In this stage I received many gifts: Jay finding God’s providence and the Camino spirit, the celebration and feast in Burgos, the Oasis in Sam Bol, the humbling example of Jesus in San Nicolas, the 4 Musketeers.

Pilgrim Quality: Freedom

• What is Freedom in the Camino? To walk without attachments, fear and expectations. In the Camino one can grow attached to distance goals, to certain people or groups of people, and to which albergues to stay in. In the Camino there is also the risk to walk with a spirit of paranoia or fear that you won’t have a place to sleep if you get too late to an albergue. Walking that way will make it hard to go where The Camino wants to take you. With the quality of Freedom every step can be an experience in itself, discrete destinations cease to exists and the experience becomes a continuum. Freedom also increases the first pilgrim quality, Openness, so you can begin to listen to the interior guide.

• What event helped me attain Freedom? The experience in Tosantos shattered the grip I tried to hold on the Camino I wanted to have. It opened my eyes to the Camino.

Stage of Manhood: The Rite of Passage and the Warrior Stage

This was a transition stage and of critical importance. Up to this point I was unaware of any stages and didn’t write about them. I was all along in the Boyhood stage and I didn’t look for anything beyond that, I just wanted to have experiences and good times. Tosantos was a rite of passage for me in which I became aware of a path to maturity in the Camino. It would take me several days to see that I had transitioned to the Warrior stage. In my blog posts I didn’t recognize this stage until it was nearly fulfilled just before going up the Cruz de Ferro.

The Warrior stage is characterized by achievement, and finding our place. Choices are more thought out, with meaning, and in the direction of truth. The Warrior understands this as life’s purpose.

6th Stage: The Desert

The pilgrim believes he is fully realized and has dominion of the Camino when another blow strikes. The blow on the previous stage was sudden and only cracked the shell to show you the light. The one on this stage is like a slow stab that goes deeper and deeper every day. It opens up an interior struggle that is the most personal so far. You are in the desert plains of Castilla y Leon where the days become monotonous, the landscape is flat and depressive. You are forced to look inside: to our miseries, our vanity, our inferiority and complexes, our ghosts, our flawed philosophy of life. It is the internal drama between 3 persons: the one others see me as, the one I would like to be, and the one I really am. This is the stage that defines the rest of your Camino.

Post: Three Love Stories, Three Women, One Week

My Experience:

I bid farewell to the 4 musketeers as I enter the desert. After walking 30km I run to make the town’s procession of Mary. My left leg shut down and I thought that my Camino was over. This is where the interior struggle of the 3 persons started. I felt anger, shame and despair. I ran because I thought I was going for God and he would carry me. In reality I went because I was starting to think of myself as an enlightened pilgrim to whom nothing could go wrong. I denied my own humanity. I was bitter in my thoughts, revolted against God and also doubted. Maybe there is no God and I’m pitiful for believing. I started seeing how I really was and how far it was from whom I thought I was being. Looking back I can remember what my aunt Laura from the Dominican Republic shared with me, which was closer to the truth: “I walk with the confidence that God will place what I need in my life. When it doesn’t seem to go well, I am not who to think that God has abandoned me. On the contrary, I trust in God’s wisdom which is beyond my momentary needs. I trust that it will have its purpose and message.”

This incident would lead me to my Italian Mother, the overnight healing of my leg, the start of my daily rosary prayer and the beginning of the three love stories in the desert. In these stories I experienced more of my own weaknesses and had to make some difficult choices.

The desert experience continued when I reached Leon to meet with those from the Burgos celebration after Jay’s lost wallet incident. It was not like Burgos and after having put the 42km effort I was for the most part ignored and felt isolated, almost as if they weren’t the same people from before. I was very saddened at the moment but looking back I see that it was necessary as that phase of the Camino was complete. The Camino would continue draw me further into the pilgrimage and wouldn’t let me go back to the past. This unpleasant experience gave way to the 3rd and most endearing love story; with Jiin, my Little Sister. It would also mark the path leading to the most intense stage: The battle with your personal demon.

Stage of Manhood: The Lover

In the desert I experienced three different love stories with three women in the roles of: Mother, Lover, Sister. In that same order I learned to receive love when I was vulnerable and in need, to share a love that chooses the highest good for the other, and to offer love even if it required me to deny myself.

In the Lover stage a man stops looking for a woman because he feels incomplete or thinks of her as a challenge. He’s looking for her because he wants to add value to her life. For the lover it is an act of self-gift. It is a stage where we find peace with our sexual drive. We strive to love the female by exalting her value as a person.

7th Stage: The Battle in the Valley of Silence

If the pilgrim chooses to continue the pilgrimage, he has no choice but to confront the interior struggle. In this stage the divine guide disappears and only silence remains. Things stop going your way, you feel lost and weary. At your darkest hour you are called to find your sword and face your demons. It is the climax of the story.

Post: Snow, Wolves and Swords: An Evening with the Knights Templars

My Experience:

Crossing into the Valley of Silence

With great pains I had just left Jiin, my little sister who was injured, behind. In the desert I chose not to confront the internal struggle that emerged. Instead I ignored it and redirected my own path to continue to be the hero and the enlightened pilgrim. This created a false sense of security as I went into the pastures and mountains of Leon. I knew I was going to face something important and my destination was the mythical Cruz de Ferro or “The Iron Cross”. It was a terrifying walk as it started to become winter again, as the wind developed the force to throw me to the ground, and as I stumbled upon what I thought were wolves. Having reached the Cruz de Ferro I took the stone I picked up in Tosantos and ceremonially left it there. I felt and heard absolutely nothing… It was a suspense that led nowhere, it was anticlimactic. I had crossed into the Valley of Silence.

The Field of Battle

The following days I felt lost. I kept stumbling and everything seemed to go wrong. The interior struggle could no longer be contained as my ugliness and faults took center stage. It was an all-in-one spectacle. I was being selfish, envious, resentful, impatient and full of conceit. I was no hero or enlightened pilgrim. It was like a poison draining me. By the time I reached the Ave Fenix (Phoenix Bird) albergue it was my darkest hour. Weary and wounded, I would now have to confront my demon.

The Root Sin

Sin is the perverted misuse of that which is good. It causes a break with the law of love. In Catholic moral teaching we have what is called the Seven Deadly or Capital sins. They are called ‘Capital’ because they are the origin or root of other sins, and not discreet sins by themselves. They concern fallen humanity’s tendency to do wrong.

Pride is considered the original and most serious of the seven deadly sins, and the source of the others. Dante’s definition was “love of self, perverted to hatred and contempt for one’s neighbor”. It is identified as a desire to be more important or attractive than others, failing to acknowledge the good work of others, and glorifying oneself of the material or spiritual goods that one possesses or believes they posses. Once a person deposits their trust in the mundane and submits to the lie of self-sufficiency, there is no more need for God.

The Morning Star and The Father of Lies

In perhaps the best-known example, the story of Lucifer, Pride (his desire to compete with God) was what caused his fall from Heaven, and his resultant transformation into Satan. Peter Binsfeld paired each of the 7 deadly sins with a demon. St Thomas Aquinas, considered the most gifted of all theologians, ordered the capital sins starting from Pride, associated with Lucifer (the fallen angel, the enlightened one, the morning star) then de-evolving through the stages of Avarice, Gluttony, Lust, Sloth, Envy and ending with Wrath, a complete transformation into the dark persona of Satan (the beast, the adversary, the father of lies).

The greatest trick the devil has ever pulled was to convince the world that he does not exist. Evidence of this lies in the fact that “devils” are primarily comic figures in modern imagination. When I had the Waking up experience in Tosantos I followed a light, which was good. But when the desire for that which is good becomes disordered it turns into sin; a break from God’s law of love. I enjoyed the days of Euphoria after Tosantos so much that I glorified myself in this spiritual good and started to believe I was an enlightened pilgrim who had achieved something few people have. I had been tricked by the demon of Pride, Lucifer, into believing that it was a good thing. I kept walking that path as more root sins showed up and took hold of me.

Inferno

I left the albergue when it was pitch dark to run away from it. It turned into nearly an hour of periodic and agonizing clashes with this demon that was getting stronger as I went further out into the night and deeper into the fight. Resentment and anger was festering within me. I went past the Castle of the Count, through the center square and finally up the stairs to the monastery of St. Francis of Assisi. I had picked up the false sword. I fought fire with fire and the blazing flame kept expanding and burning me more and more. I took a beating as I finally ran back to the albergue to find it closed. At the doorstep I strike the last blow of Wrath against the hospitalero and the transformation of the demon into Satan is complete. The fire becomes an inferno that consumes my entire being. I’ve been defeated…

Stage of Manhood: The Wounded Warrior

As a Warrior we strive for success. We then run the risk of defining ourselves in light of our achievements and our work. We put on armor to shield ourselves from our own humanity. In the Wounded Warrior stage we experience a falling out from that false security. The armor we built was not impenetrable. We’ve been wounded in the course of a life and must find a way to deal with our failures and pains. It is the time to come to a new perspective of life.

8th Stage: Realization

The conflict has found resolution and you attain the last of the Pilgrim Qualities: Humility. In the previous stage you fought and experienced defeat. The old self died and you are born again out of the ashes. You free yourself from the last attachment, to one’s own self.

You’ve reached the last region in Spain: Galicia. It’s landscape absorbs you as you experience joy in the galician forests. Your walk is spiritually mature as you integrate the three Pilgrim Qualities of Openness, Freedom and Humility. Before, you were afraid and ashamed of your shortcomings and failures. Now, you see that you are whole and perfectly created as imperfect. You accept yourself and find peace. You feel the need to find your mission in life to build the kingdom of God on Earth.

When St. Augustine was an old man he said: “I looked for God in the heavens but did not find him, I looked for God in the church but did not find him, I looked for God in the human being but did not find him, I looked for myself and found God.”

You no longer reason God but see him reasoned. You see Creation as perfect and yourself as an authentic part of Creation. This stage is the encounter with Faith.

Posts: O Cebreiro: Rebirth and The Last Days on The Camino

My Experience:

The first thing that happens is that I receive the call to be a hospitalero in Tosantos, literally a phone call from Jose Luis. As a hospitalero I would become a servant to other pilgrims. What followed next is the episode with Sofia on the way to the forest monastery of Samos. There she would open her heart and invite God into her life. My daily walks were light because of the burden that was lifted. The Dancing Pilgrim was all in. I was dancing both in the Camino, and teaching in the albergues.

It was a stage of the little things, without a lot of noise or epic events. When I started this pilgrimage from Lourdes a priest shared a beautiful message about recognizing that what is worth more in life can be as quiet and unnoticeable as a feather falling on the ground. These days I was finally letting the feathers fall on the ground. Mother Teresa said: “Do not look for great things, instead do little things with great love”.

As I got closer to Santiago I come to terms with the reality that it’s about to end. At the same time I would also want to forget about how many days I had so I could live the present moment with more intensity. The last day seems like a lie, as you are already in the Monte de Gosso (“Mountain of Joy”). In the last albergue on the way I look in the mirror and see a different man. The next day I would reach Santiago.

Pilgrim Quality: Humility

• What is Humility in the Camino? To stop attempting to control your path and to stop pretending that you have it all figured out. As Rick Warren wrote on the first line of The Purpose Driven Life: “It’s not about you”. We are not sages or enlightened pilgrims. The Camino is a time for questions and without humility the right questions won’t be contemplated. The quality of Humility fulfills the other two qualities by granting you Freedom from the prideful attachment to self, and Openness to accept your whole imperfect self.

• What event helped me attain Humility? At the end of the previous stage I fought a battle I was meant to lose. I was humbled by defeat.

Jesus, the master, showed us the way out of pride in Matthew 18: At that time the disciples came to Jesus, asking, “Who is the greatest in the Kingdom of heaven?” So Jesus called a child, made him stand in front of them, and said, “I assure you that unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the Kingdom of heaven. The greatest in the Kingdom of heaven is the one who humbles himself and becomes like this child.”

Stage of Manhood: The Mature Man

This is when a man is able to integrate his life. He makes peace with himself and his uniqueness. It is the stage where he stops trying to be what others want him to be. He becomes himself and God’s plan for his life.

9th Stage: The End

You have reached the goal of the Camino. You’ve arrived at Santiago with a joy that is so sad. The story of which you were the protagonist and others the supporting characters has finished. You try to savor every second of your time in Santiago and especially in its Cathedral. It is time to say goodbye.

The Goal is the tomb of Santiago, an apostle of Christ, a friend of Jesus, a man who died for the gospel message. The pilgrimage has two parts: Journey and Destination. The journey offers the opportunity of encounter with faith and a God without mediator; God through Creation. The goal then reveals the invisible God of the journey by pointing to the Cross.

In the Camino one comes to accept oneself as being perfectly imperfect. Such is also the case for the world. This gives sense to evil and the cross. In the drama of life, to take away the cross and replace it with just the ideal life to strive for, is like going through the Camino without acknowledging and then confronting the internal struggle that started in the desert. The conflict is painful to bear and so is the cross. It is much easier to craft a worldview that lays out the steps to lead a good life or to reach enlightenment than to face the reality of a world that has consequences for being imperfect and in sin.

Post: The Goal of the Camino: Santiago de Compostela

My Experience:

The last kilometers reaching the Cathedral had sporadic periods of tears as the joy and the sadness took turns in my mind. I met again with others who formed part of my Camino. I witnessed the bittersweet reunion of 3 of the 4 musketeers. Dancing is part of who I am and I danced with pilgrims during the day, and with locals during the night. It all comes full circle as I complete the Camino that evening in front of Santiago’s tomb.

Stage of Manhood: The Fulfilled Man

A man steps into true leadership and responsibility. He is involved, a role model, and contributes. He guides others in their journey.

10th Stage: The Camino of Life

In the romanic façade of the Cathedral you see the Alpha and Omega symbols in reverse order. It is understood that at the end of the Camino it is when we begin a new life. We retake the life we left behind with a new perspective and maturity.

The Camino was the time for questions. After the Camino you have to allow time and the answers will emerge on their own. The Camino is like the grandfather that teaches you so much but you don’t get it until much later. This has been true for me so far. Personally, had I written this post the day or week after finishing the Camino, it would’ve been much different and lacking. The experience is the same, but my understanding has evolved.

The Bishop of Galicia wrote the following thought on reaching the goal of the Camino to Santiago:

A pilgrim starts the Camino in the “first person”. Trusting God, the pilgrim leaves his house, his friends and his comforts. He finds that all things can be superfluous, that what matters is one’s authentic self. “What’s worth for a person to possess the whole world if they lose themselves.”

The perception of those around you, of the world, and of time are renewed in the experience of the pilgrimage. When one reaches Santiago a deep desire arises: that what one lived, that the renewed relationship with God and creation, continues alive in our daily Camino; that it doesn’t get drowned again by routine in a world without brothers, without God, without hope.

Let us continue to pay attention to the feathers falling on the ground.

My Experience: Living it!